Hi there and welcome back!
I hope everyone has had a good week! Last week’s blog post was definitely challenging for me to write, but it was something that felt really therapeutic for me to do. I do have some exciting news actually… I’ve recently been accepted for priority housing and I am so excited to be starting this process of eventually transitioning to my own place. I actually have been feeling a little down lately but this definitely cheered me up. Nothing serious, but sometimes my depression can come in waves and when it comes, it COMES. So I am so thankful honestly to be receiving this news, it definitely brought my spirits right up. I say this because I never saw this day coming and it’s here. Well not here yet, but definitely a step that’s coming sooner than expected. I know it might be a little too early to start talking about it, but is it? I mean I know that there’s a lot more to come and I haven’t even looked at places yet, but time flies and next thing you know, you’re transitioning.
There are a lot of feelings that come with receiving this sort of news. I started looking back at when I first started everything which was back in 2018. That’s the year that I left my trafficker for the first time. After that came a lot of different things; detox for a week, rehab for two months, first HT program for 6 months in 2019, left Canada for two months to stay away from my trafficker but to also visit family, came back to Canada, lived at my moms for 3 months doing nothing (I was depressed), found a job at the beginning of 2020 at a grocery store and worked there for 6 months, covid happened (anxiety got really bad) so I quit my job and I, unfortunately, relapsed with my trafficker, found help again and ended up going to a day program for 3 months, lived in my own place for a week (not really) my trafficker found me again so I ended up at his place more, but he was acting desperate which concerned me. He’s never acted like this and something in my gut was telling me to leave him again, but for good. Eventually, I hit rock bottom and felt this emptiness that made me feel and realize that I was lost once again. I knew this had to stop. My health was on the line and my relationship with my family was too. My family has never disowned me and the thought of that being a possible outcome this time around, I couldn’t do that to myself or them. I ended up deciding to come to SHH and haven’t looked back since. Been here since November of 2020 constantly working on myself. Today is March 24th of 2022 and I am happy to look back and say I finally did it.
I want to clarify that by saying ” Yay I finally did it” it definitely does not mean that the work stops here. No no no, this thing we call “working on ourselves” is a constant rollercoaster that never stops. You get better at it, but it never stops. If it gets off the tracks, yeah it’ll stop, but for that to happen again, it depends on me. It comes down to what it is that I want for myself. Unfortunately, all the help can be given to someone, and if that person does not want it or is simply not ready, then there’s nothing that can be done really until that person is ready and wants the same. This feeling of not wanting to go back or not use any substances is not something that comes overnight. I have worked really hard and it has not been a smooth process, but I am still here. I have had to work on patience, on accepting that not everything will go my way, that healing takes time, accepting and trusting the process no matter how long it’ll take because believe me when I say this, it will be worth it in the end.
Thank you for stopping today and taking the time to read today’s blog!
Till next time,
-Morty