Learning From My actions

Hi everyone, Ruby here. So the reason for my hiatus this time was that I had my phone taken away for a month due to a conversation that was had. At first, I was super angry about it, I wanted to just leave. But after a few days without it, I actually started thinking about things. Why it was taken, and that there could have been worse repercussions than losing my phone. It’s actually made me more focused on my recovery and that there’s more to life than being glued to my phone screen. 

I started socializing more and being out of my room most of the time. Even with getting my phone back, I’m not on it as often, and when having a conversation, I lock it and pay attention to what the other person is saying. And also I’m being a lot more aware of what I’m saying, and not having conversations that could jeopardize my recovery. 

This is a huge area of growth for me, mainly because I am not used to being disciplined. For example, my mom would try to ground me and I’d just tell her to F off and pack a bag and leave. Or she’d disconnect the modem and hide it in her room, and I’d find it, take a picture of where it is, go on the computer, delete browsing history, and put the modem back before she got home. So actually taking the consequences, and learning from them, is a big step to becoming a better person. 

It’s also a big step towards taking accountability because I wanted to be mad at everyone else, and I was at first. And then I realized that yes, this was my fault, and what can I do differently to ensure that this doesn’t happen again. It’s very hard for me to own up to my mistakes, but this was a good learning experience for me. 

-Ruby