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It’s okay

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog with Morty. As always, I hope everyone has had a good week and if not then I hope next week is better for you. We all have those weeks and it’s okay to sometimes feel not okay. In other words, thank goodness it’s Friday right?! This week for me was actually pretty good, to be honest. I had my college lectures, a bit of program (second stage) and received some good news about future plans. So yeah, my week was pretty good and I’m happy to be able to share some bits of it with you. In today’s blog post, I wanted to share a little bit of everything. So if it sounds all over the place, bear with me lol. There are just a few things that I think are important to share and I’ll explain why. 

For starters, I’ve been thinking recently a lot about my trafficker. I’m sharing this because I want to normalize that it’s okay to have these thoughts. I hope no survivor feels guilty for having occasional thoughts about their trafficker because the reality is, the thoughts/ memories/ flashbacks, might not ever go away. We can heal and move on with our lives, but we never know when all of the sudden we’re doing something like washing dishes, and boom… all these unwanted memories are coming in.

I used to feel guilty myself because I didn’t want to feel like I was thinking of him. But all I was able to do was, accept the fact that these flashbacks are part of me somehow. They don’t define who I am though. So no matter how much healing I’ve done, they still come. I try to accept the feeling, and move on. It’s easier said than done, but I try my best to not let it get a hold of me. 

Besides having these unwanted flashbacks, I’ve been trying to focus and work on a daily routine and stay consistent with what I’m doing. For example, I’ve been going for daily walks and it was hard at first but now if I don’t go on my daily walk, it feels off like something is missing. So yes, staying consistent is my main goal for now. I also keep in mind that I’ve been doing it for a week and a few days, so it’s important for me that I don’t overwhelm myself too much. For now, I’m just focusing on going for a 30 min walk. If you know me in person, you know that I like schedules and charts lol, so every day I write something if I went for a walk or took a rest day but I’ve been trying my best to go every day to build that routine. It’s pretty doable but it’s still something new that I’m adding to my days.

Other than that, I can’t really discuss yet some of the plans that are in place for my transitioning but let’s just say that things are coming along and I’m very excited to take further steps into my future. I feel like it’s been a long process and I’m still waiting to hear back about vacancies that are available. But in the meantime, there are some exciting plans that are in the works for me and my transition. It’s weird that I’m excited because for the longest time I’ve been in my comfort zone and not really trying to do something towards my future like; looking for a job, looking at some volunteering opportunities etc. But all of that is changing. I’m invested in focusing on my future. Honestly, if it wasn’t for SafeHope Home, I don’t think I would’ve committed to school. But now here I am looking at what I want to focus on for my future schooling and career. Yes, I’m the one doing the work and getting the marks that I’m getting, but I’m very appreciative of all the conversations and support that are given constantly. 

Well, I think that’s pretty much what I wanted to share with all of you, and I hope you were able to take at least one thing with you. Life is messy and it’s not supposed to be linear, so I try to take it day by day. This has helped me with my sobriety, my future plans that seem so far away, and my other personal goals. 

I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post and stay tuned for next week’s blog post. Have an amazing and safe weekend everyone! 

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