Hello and welcome to another blog this week with Morty!
I hope everyone had or is having a good week! I know this is random but, is it just me or does your mood get affected by the weather? Apparently, it does for me and that’s something new I’m finding out about myself. It didn’t use to affect me but it has been challenging with all the weather changes we’ve been experiencing! Anyways, I know for me, last week was very busy and emotionally draining. But it’s going to be like this for a little while. I have come to the conclusion that right now with my other school program starting soon and dealing with my trafficker’s case, it’s just going to be overwhelming and I’ve accepted it. I know that it’s not forever and I know that this will pass too and that it’ll be for the better. In the meantime, I will be doing a lot and I mean A LOT of self-care to keep me going!
Anywho, I have some really good news to share with all of you and I hope you keep reading!
So, I believe in the last blog post I talked about school and how I was going to spend the weekend studying for my final exam that was coming up. Well, I received my final mark for my college program, and I am happy to announce that I received a 94% as my final mark. Wow, right? Yup. I couldn’t believe it either, but then I stopped myself and said, “Hold on, you can believe it”. I know that I worked really hard to get that mark and it makes me feel really happy and proud of my efforts. I think my point in sharing this with you, is that if I can do it, so can you. I never thought I would enter a college program and receive a mark like that! A math college program to be exact and if you didn’t know this about me, I absolutely disliked math growing up. More like Mathematics disliked me lol. In all seriousness, I know that back then I was not studying or paying attention so it explains why. I never thought I would complete it and finish strong. I never thought I would even pass, but I did.
The number of times that I contemplated giving up are countless, but I didn’t. Do you want to know what kept me going? It’s about to get REAL cheesy…The answer is, my future. I don’t know exactly what it holds, I can do my best to line certain things up but even those things can get interrupted by something that could happen unexpectedly. For me, this whole case with my trafficker that I’m dealing with came unexpectedly and like I’ve said before, I never thought I would see this day. What I’m trying to say is that you can have everything mapped out, planned and colour coordinated of what you want your life to look like, but that doesn’t guarantee that there won’t be obstacles and challenges along the way. There will be times when you will feel like the end of the world is happening right in front of your eyes (this was me last week lol) and you’ll want to give up. But don’t. As much as I wanted to give up last week or the week before on school, I didn’t and I’m glad today (because in the moment it doesn’t feel like that) that I didn’t give up and I gave it my best.
I wish I could share, in detail, with all of you the other news I received this past weekend regarding my trafficker’s case, but I obviously won’t be able to for my own safety and the safety of the other survivors who have also come forward. What I will say is that I am very happy with some news I received through a phone call this past weekend. A call I never thought I would receive, and I did. A phone call that I know all survivors deserve.
So, as I’ve said before, this was a decision that I made. Making a statement was a decision that took almost 5 years to make, I didn’t know if I was ever again gonna be given the opportunity to do so or decide to make it. Back then, I would’ve not been able to, too even let one word out regarding my story/truth. I was in shock for a while, I was in denial of what had happened to me, I was dealing with this trauma bond that would constantly only play “good” memories to make me believe the opposite of the actual truth. I wasn’t ready to take that step, till two weeks ago.
I want to end today’s blog post with some words of wisdom and hope, that I know I would love to receive myself if I was dealing with anything that felt like too much to handle. If you’re someone who is struggling in any way, know that you’re not alone. I know that sounds cheesy and everyone says it, but it’s the truth. I know that feeling of being stuck and having no hope of what’s to come in the future, but don’t give up on YOU. I know that for me, this took a while to understand and want for myself. The standards that I had back then of what I wanted in my life, are now the opposite. That’s just it though, no one can force you to do something you don’t like. For example, no one forced me to get sober, no one forced me to stay here at SafeHope Home for as long as I have, and no one forced me to enrol in a college program. These were steps and decisions that I wanted for myself and my future. Did I want these things before? NOPE. Is it easy? No, it’s not. But I’m grateful for the support that is offered here to help me and give me that push to keep believing in myself. Before I came to SafeHope Home, I was making decisions to make others happy. I didn’t want to keep lying to others and most importantly, I didn’t want to keep lying to myself.
I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post. I know I can go on and on about different things and I always hope that It all makes sense when I put it into words at the end. I hope everyone has a good weekend and If you didn’t have a good week this week, I hope next week is better for you. Just like how last week was stressful, but this week wasn’t that bad of a week for me.
Till next time,
-Morty