The Pain You Choose

Welcome back to my blog series. For those of you who don’t know me I go by the name Baby. It’s been a long time since I last posted partly because life has become so busy and partly because I don’t always know which parts of my journey to share and which parts to keep sacred just for me. Last year, I found the courage to report my trafficker. Ican’t speak much about that right now but through this experience I’ve learned so much about who I am and how I cope with my trauma from that time in my life. One of the most healing ways I’ve learned to cope has been through endurance sports especially long distance running. Last year, I ran my first 8km race with over 100 obstacles, completed my first triathlon, ran a half marathon and now I am training for my first full marathon. This journey has made me reflect on why I turn to endurance sports and what they truly mean to me on a deeper level.

There’s a reason so many people who have experienced deep trauma are drawn to

endurance sports. It’s not just about fitness, it’s about survival, transformation and

reclaiming your control. When you’ve lived through pain you couldn’t control, endurance

sports give you suffering that you choose. Every kilometre, every run, every moment of

exhaustion becomes proof that you are stronger than what tried to break you. The mind

says stop, the body says you can’t but something deep inside that has already survived

the unimaginable whispers keep going. That suffering transforms into strength and that

strength becomes healing. For me, endurance sports are a way to process, to heal and

to redefine myself beyond my trauma. They remind me that my pain didn’t win and it

never will. Each time I push myself a little further I reaffirm that I am more than my past,

what I’ve been through and that I am in control of my life. Every time I cross a finish line

and hear my people cheering my name, I know that death didn’t take me, drugs didn’t

win and my trafficker no longer has a hold on me. When I run, I know exactly who I am. I

feel renewed, strong, powerful and know exactly who I was meant to be. A run has

never left me feeling less than or let me down because no matter my time or pace I

know I’m doing this for me and me alone. And no one can take that from me. So with

that I say: we do survive, we do endure, we do heal and we are powerful.

Love, Baby